A Mother’s Love: Honoring the Fierceness of Dorothy Beam on Mother’s Day
“Every person on this earth has a purpose.”
Maternal bonds are shaped while a child is in the womb. It is our maternal figure who ensures that we’re fed, nurtured and cared for before we are born and able to breathe fresh air into our small, eager lungs.
It is not a given that mothers will be part of their children’s lives after birth. For many reasons, mothers may not understand, love or be able to care for their children according to societal expectations.
When a mother does love, understand, and cover their child, they must be celebrated.
When writer Joseph (Joe) Beam (In The Life: A Black Gay Anthology) died on December 27, 1988, his mother, Dorothy Beam, didn’t know that he had been living with HIV.
“I didn't find out until after Joe died, and the coroners called me and told me that, because we went down to the coroner's office - my sister and I. And he explained to me what the problem was and why we couldn't see the body and the whole bit,” Mrs. Beam told Marty Moss-Coane in 1992 on WHYY’s Fresh Air.
After her son’s death, she didn’t walk away. In fact, she decided to immerse herself into her son’s life. She decided to finish the book he had been working on, in an effort to both fulfill his obligations to the publisher, and also to deal with her own grief.
Before his death, Joe Beam hadn’t gotten very far with his new book. “He'd sent out some notices to the press, had begun to receive a few manuscripts, had chosen a title - Brother to Brother - and had left behind a list of possible contributors,” according to Martin Duberman in the book Hold Tight Gently: Michael Callen, Essex Hemphill and the Battlefield of AIDS.
It would have been easy for Mrs. Beam to walk away from her son’s legacy. Society would have understood and forgiven her for doing so. Even her husband, Sun Fairchild Beam, would have forgiven her. He urged her to “let it drop,” in reference to continuing her son's work, but she was prepared to move forward.
Carrying On
Joe Beam left behind letters and manuscripts that had to be read and sorted through. Mrs. Beam described this as a traumatic experience where the more she read, the worse she felt and depression would set in. She’d read some days and then had to put the folders away.
She wasn’t confident that she could continue her son’s work, but Mrs. Beam had a skill with a concept invaluable in the process of finishing this book - she loved sewing and quilting. “There’s a peace in the process, and in a quilting circle, conversation flows. The craft is all about connection,” says Frasier Dasent in The Philadelphia Inquirer story about Mrs. Beam’s death.
Through the reading of letters left behind, instinct led her to reach out to Essex Hemphill - a connection. “I got a hold of Essex by going through the papers, because as I went through the papers, he and my son had corresponded a lot,“ Mrs. Beam said. “And the rhythm and the intent of the letters told me that they had a very good relationship going.” Upon being asked to participate, Hemphill had no reservations about continuing this work with Mrs. Beam. He was invited to move into Beam's Philadelphia home where he lived for a couple of years while working on the book.
“I’m better off for knowing the troubles and trials and the tribulations. I’m better off for knowing what their sexual desires are, because now that it’s necessary for everyone to practice safe sex, how can you practice safe sex if you don’t know what they’re doing?”
Brother to Brother: New Writings by Black Gay Men was released in 1991. In the acknowledgements Hemphill writes, “Mrs. Dorothy Beam cannot be overly praised for her willingness to ensure that this anthology would be successfully completed. She has provided an example of strength and faith that could wisely inform other parents of gay men and lesbians.”
Whether she knew it or not, Mrs. Beam was leaving a blueprint and establishing a sacred tradition all at once. Even though she wasn’t deeply knowledgeable about the lives of Black LGBTQ+ people, she held a deep love for her Black gay son, and it’s that capacity that is sewn throughout the book. Notable creatives such as Donald Woods, Assoto Saint, Craig G. Harris, Dr. Ron Simmons, Charles Nero and Marlon Riggs among others fill the pages. Joe Beam’s final vision realized is a sacred text for Black LGBTQ+ people to look to for inspiration and lessons.
Being A Comfort To Others
Brother to Brother forever changed Mrs. Beam. She emerged as an advocate for LGBTQ+ people, and someone to be looked to for inspiration about how to show up for a queer child.
“People are dying and parents are trying to cope with that every day,” Mrs. Beam said during her Fresh Air interview. “I didn't know I would be a solace or comfort to someone else. I had no idea, because I was looking for comfort myself, but now I have to help others.”
In February 1995, Dorothy Beam was the only mother on a Black History Month panel held by the University of Pennsylvania - "Twice Proud: Homosexuality and the African-American Family.” From the stage, Mrs. Beam proclaimed, “Every person on this earth has a purpose. Your job is to get out and tell the African-American population that God loves your son because he's gay. Black families are in the closet. The children are out, but the families are in the closet."
“People are dying and parents are trying to cope with that every day. I didn’t know I would be a solace or comfort to someone else. I had no idea, because I was looking for comfort myself, but now I have to help others.”
She made an AIDS Memorial Quilt for Joe.
“She would ask me to go to art galleries in town where she would put out the AIDS quilt she made for Joe, talking about the devastation of AIDS and HIV in the Black community. She would do it not as a teacher or an instructor, but as a Black woman sharing her own story,” according to Tyrone Smith in a Philadelphia Gay News article.
Dorothy Beam was confident that her son was looking down on her from heaven, smiling, knowing that his mother would carry on with his work had anything happened to him. Mrs. Beam passed away on December 26, 2018. Advanced colon cancer was cited as the cause of death for the 94-year-old trailblazer.
Today, we are all looking at the legacy of Dorothy Beam, and we’re smiling up at her, thanking her for loving her son enough to make sure his legacy would live on. It’s our wildest dream that all of our mothers, biological or otherwise, would do the same for us.
Job well done, ma’am.
